You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
