Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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