Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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