porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
