Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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