Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
