No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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