It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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