the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
