I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
