I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
send nudes
from the living room?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
