I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
