Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize