11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude i'm inner monologue high
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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