Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize