I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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