MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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