were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
