Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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