I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
