hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
