John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
