the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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