fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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