You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize