Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
