We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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