i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize