So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
