So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
