these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize