ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Blood and glitter go together right?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
