It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
