so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
