The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
