Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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