i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
