so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
