Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
