how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
