got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
