Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
