the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
