I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I need water and some morals
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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