I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
