I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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