I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize