The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
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