i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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