As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
