Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
