rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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