the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
