So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize