I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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