First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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