god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
