Kiss
Puke
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
