This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
