so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
