My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
