thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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