If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
