I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
