I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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