I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
