I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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