Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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