in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I deserve this hangover.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
