she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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