I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
