***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize