im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
