who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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