I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
