My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
