she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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