Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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