$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize