a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
