Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
